On Friday I received an unexpected compliment that sent me into a bit of a tailspin. And if you’re wondering how that’s possible, let me explain. My teammates at work decided to give awards out to our training class for surviving our 12 weeks of training together. And during that time, we’ve all learned quite a bit about one another. Well, my award read, “Best to take home to mom and dad.” I received this award because they see me as the “whole package”; their words, not mine. And in that moment, it hit me how single I am. Yes, there are levels to being single, at least in my mind lol.
I’ve been “dating” since the 5th grade and for most of my life I’ve been told that I’m the kind of girl you marry. Yet, at the age of 31, I’m far from walking down the aisle. I’m not in a rush to get married or anything, but I would like to be working towards my happily ever after with someone special. I then spent the rest of the day reexamining my dating history and I came to the realization that my choice in men lately have not necessarily been the best. Not to say that they are bad people, but they weren’t looking for anything serious, when in actuality, I was and still am.
Part of getting to where we want to be in life is being honest with ourselves about what we want, and I wasn’t being honest with myself. I stuck around because I enjoyed their company. Everyone wants companionship but at what cost? Spending time with them has been hindering me from possibly meeting the man who is actually ready to build something long term.
By now, you’re probably thinking what does this have to do with hearing from God, so allow me to bring this full circle. We have thoughts and feelings all of the time, and God speaks to us in different ways to confirm those feelings, and all we have to do is listen.
On Friday night at a birthday celebration, I heard from God. The birthday boy said he could tell I had something on my mind. Despite being surrounded by good music and beautiful people, I just didn’t seem to be having fun. I tried to deny it, not wanting to ruin his party, but he continued to probe, and I finally admitted that something was in fact bothering me. Without me even going into detail, he pinpointed exactly what was on my mind. I couldn’t believe what he said next because it was so simple but so profound. “Women choose, but men decide,” he said very matter-of-factly and in that moment, everyone and everything around us faded away. We both knew that God was speaking through him. His point was basically that women meet a man they would like to date but its ultimately up to the man if he’s going to commit and up to the woman to walk away if he’s not ready for something more serious.
After coming to terms with my poor choices, I knew I had to forgive myself for those mistakes. When you know better, you do better and I am determined to do better. I am destined to be a wife and a great wife at that. After our talk, I stopped throwing myself a pity party and started to enjoy the real party. Which brings me to final point; God can reach us no matter where we are and all we have to do is simply listen.
As always, this is from my heart to yours.